Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,515

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Live now on TikTok:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Just landed via TikTok:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Going viral on Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Going viral on Reddit:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Trending via Telegram:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Going viral on Messenger:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Just landed via Facebook:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Spotted on Facebook:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm defying science and making waves! 🌊🍴😂

activity, casual, casual activity, food, going, goodbye, guess, humor, i, just, swimming

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

0

3 months ago

able, clothing, fall, fashion, frustration, got, heat, hot, hot weather, humor, i, long-sleeve, long-sleeve shirt, mismatch, new, sad, seasonal, seasonal frustration, shirt, sorry, temperature, wear, weather, weather mismatch
I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

0

2 months ago

done, humor, i, inform, love, math, regret, relationship, soulmate
To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

0

3 days ago

beautiful, dating, entertainment, happiness, happy, humor, man, need, relationship, replace, screen, screen time, simply, time, woman, women
Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

0

2 months ago

comparison, fertilizer, food, humor, i, Jesus, not the same, same, transformation, turn, water, wine
Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

0

2 months ago

40s, aging, camera, changes, eyes, focus, humor, know, life, life changes, perception, someone, welcome
“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

0

2 months ago

baking, cooking, food, honesty, humor, i, love, spoon

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

18 shares on Slack this month:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Going bananas on Instagram:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Live now on Discord:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Spotted on YouTube:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Just landed via Discord:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Going viral on Threads:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Going viral on YouTube:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨