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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Live now on Discord:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Trending via Reddit:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Going bananas on Slack:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Just landed via Slack:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Making waves on Telegram:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Shared recently on Discord:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Uninstalling apps like they're bailout packages 🏃‍♂️💸📱

app, app usage, borrowed, borrowing, cash, cash app, debt, finance, humor, i, just, money, uninstall, usage

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

0

2 months ago

bet, calls, God, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media, still, Twitter
You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

0

2 months ago

bunny, bunny ear, ear, ears, gesture, giving, humor, nostalgia, people, photo, photography, photos, prank
I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

0

2 months ago

age, closer, commitment, dating, humor, i, life, life stage, relationship, retirement, single, stage, think
Being silly is very important for my mental health.

0

2 months ago

being, fun, happiness, health, humor, important, mental, mental health, self-care, silly
This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

0

2 months ago

coming, convinced, cravings, digestion, food, gum, humor, humorously, humorously relatable, joke, relatable, stomach, stomachache
Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

0

2 months ago

animals, conversation, humor, i, interaction, much, people, pet, social, social interaction, strange, stranger, talk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

93 shares on Discord this month:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Seen just now on X:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Breaking via Twitch:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Live now on LinkedIn:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

Breaking via Threads:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Live now on WeChat:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Just shared via YouTube:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨