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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2385 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,547

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,547

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Spotted on X:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Breaking via Telegram:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Trending via WeChat:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Just shared via Reddit:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Live now on Slack:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Making waves on Messenger:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Being a pretty woman is like having a golden ticket to the cringe Olympics! 😂🎟️💃

being, confidence, cringe, humor, humor quote, i, love, pretty, say, self-awareness, self-deprecating, things, threshold, vanity, woman, women

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Just shared via WeChat:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Just shared via Facebook:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Spotted on WeChat:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Going viral on Telegram:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Making waves on Facebook:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

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I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

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I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

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