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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Seen just now on Threads:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Trending via Messenger:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Making waves on X:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Going viral on Instagram:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Trending via TikTok:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

2 months ago

0

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it amazing how toddlers can go on and on about nothing as if it's the most important thing in the world? 😂 It's like they're presenting a thesis on why socks shouldn't have seams or why the sky is actually purple. 🧦☁️ Toddler conversations: making the meaningless meaningful since forever!👶🗣️

absolutely, child, conversation, humor, i, love, nothing, passion, talk, toddler

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

0

2 months ago

comparison, errors, haystack, humor, life, longer, modern, modern life, needle, people, search, spreadsheet, technology, work
They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

0

5 months ago

alternative, animal, animals, burger, crazy, crazy idea, food, food innovation, idea, innovation, invent, invention, lab-grown, lab-grown meat, mammoth, meat, meat alternative, new, new animal, should, something
It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

0

2 months ago

fog, funny observation, humor, joke, observation, outside, stop, vaping, visibility, weather
All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

0

2 months ago

craving, food, humor, layers, love, music, nachos, saying, snack, song, songs, too
I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

0

2 months ago

am, artificial, artificial intelligence, bot, bots, convinced, half, humor, i, intelligence, least, skepticism, technology
Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

0

2 months ago

attitude, born, coming, conflict, forced, hater, humor, irony, personality, perspective, understand, understanding, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Just shared via Reddit:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Trending via Messenger:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Just landed via Messenger:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Just shared via Telegram:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Just landed via Slack:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

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