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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,638

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Going viral on Messenger:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Making waves on Discord:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Going viral on Snapchat:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Going viral on Threads:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Shared recently on X:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Live now on Slack:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Making waves on Slack:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Just landed via Reddit:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

2 months ago

0

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a fitness tracker when you have a cleverly named dog like '5 Miles'? It's the perfect excuse to skip the gym and just let your furry friend do all the work. Just remember to keep up the facade when someone asks about your workout routine!"

clever, day, dog, exercise, fitness, humor, joke, mile, people, pet, tell, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

0

2 months ago

always, cat, complaint, conversation, father, garden, humor, neighbor, okay, running, tell
Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

0

6 months ago

casualwear, comfort, every, exist, fashion, house, humor, i, leave, leaving, sweatpant, sweatpants, time, why
It’s Monday, but at what cost?

0

2 months ago

cost, existential, humor, Monday, motivation, procrastination, sarcasm, workweek
Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

0

2 months ago

attack, D, defend, end, insane, me, PhD, self-defense, tired, yourself
Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

0

2 months ago

anything, disappointment, do nothing, humor, i, men, nothing, promises, relationships
“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, bathroom, beverage, drink, food, food humor, gravy, humor, i, me, okay, situation, trying, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

45 shares on Discord this month:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

45 shares on X this month:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

I only drink when I people.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,623

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Trending via Facebook:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Spotted on Twitch:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Seen just now on Threads:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Going bananas on Messenger:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Spotted on Reddit:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Making waves on Telegram:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Trending via Slack:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

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