Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,001

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Spotted on TikTok:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Seen just now on Reddit:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Shared recently on YouTube:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Just shared via Pinterest:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Going viral on WeChat:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Trending via Facebook:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Spotted on Messenger:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Plot twist: the kidnapper ends up seeking an exorcism refund 👻🔪 #PossessionProblems"

abduction, child, comedy, finds, horror, horror movie, i, kidnapper, movie, need, plot, plot twist, possessed, possessed child, twist, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

0

2 months ago

carrot, cart, chase, chasing, determination, direction, effort, humor, humor in effort, i, lighthearted, mind, motivation, playful, pursuit, same
I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

0

2 months ago

chores, doing, humor, i, laundry, me, no one, procrastination, relatable
Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

0

2 months ago

date, deal, expiry, humor, i, patience, payback, ready, revenge, timing
Be the reason someone burns sage.

0

2 months ago

good, good vibes, humor, mindfulness, positivity, reason, sage, self-care, someone, vibes
I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

0

2 months ago

comfort, fat, flat, fluff, fluffy, humor, hurt, hurts, i, neck, new, old, pain, pillow, upgrade
I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

0

2 months ago

anyone, anything, bedtime, casual, evening, going, humor, humor quote, joke, relaxed, sleep, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Telegram this month:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

61 shares on Discord this month:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Just landed via TikTok:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Spotted on Discord:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Going viral on TikTok:

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Just shared via WeChat:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Just landed via WeChat:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Trending via Twitch:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Be the reason someone burns sage.

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨