Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,646

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Spotted on Twitch:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Going viral on Pinterest:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Spotted on Reddit:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Making waves on Twitch:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Shared recently on YouTube:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Just landed via Twitch:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Just landed via Threads:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Spotted on TikTok:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you've got the grass-roots solution for filling your free time! 🌱😂🌿

activity, cost, costs, dollars, free, free time, hobby, i, lawn, management, mowing, need, new, time, time management, zero

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

0

2 months ago

algebra, assurance, humor, i, irony, life, real, real life, thing
How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

0

2 months ago

4, family, family photo, humor, kids, mine, oil, oil painting, painting, paintings, parenting, photo, pose, seconds, sit, sit still, still
Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

0

2 months ago

food, grandmother, guys, humor, joke, meatball, only, recipe, relationship, thing, want
“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

0

2 months ago

braille, caution, disability, humor, irony, perception, read, safety, tactile, things, touch, warning
I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

0

2 months ago

am, disorders, family, humor, i, observation, observing, personality, table, Thanksgiving
Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

0

2 months ago

animals, crab, curiosity, fish, fly, funny question, humor, perspective, question, think, thought, underwater

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

26 shares on Slack this month:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

40 shares on Threads this month:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Going viral on Threads:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Making waves on Messenger:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Just shared via Discord:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Just shared via Facebook:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

Trending via TikTok:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨