I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

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There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

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US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

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If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

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I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.