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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Shared recently on X:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Going viral on Messenger:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Seen just now on X:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Breaking via Twitch:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Freshly posted on X:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

2 months ago

0

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when our mobile devices were all about pedals and wheels 🚲😄 Who needs smartphones when you have the ultimate two-wheeled transport, right? Riding your bike was the original hands-free, screen-free, and app-free fun! 📱 #ThrowbackToSimplerTimes

activity, bike, childhood, device, fun, fun activity, i, kid, memory, mobile, mobile device, nostalgia, outdoor, outdoor play, play, remember

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

0

2 months ago

hour, humor, i, job, money, need, nothing, reasonable, salary, wild
I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

0

2 months ago

book, books, brood, built, castle, humor, introvert, procrastination, reading, unread, unread book, work
Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

0

2 months ago

comedy, dating, flirt, humor, i, love, me, need, nonsense, playful, post, sarcasm
If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulting, humor, ID, joke, life, life joke, policy, responsibility, return, return policy, sarcasm
The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

0

3 months ago

date, dating, driving, funny situation, humor, me, parallel, parallel park, park, relationship, second, second date, situation, stress, stroke, trying, watching
Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

0

2 months ago

blanket, clothing, comfort, fall, fall fashion, fashion, fashion trends, humor, looking, style, trends, wear, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Slack this month:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

20 shares on X this month:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

91 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,855

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Going viral on Messenger:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Live now on X:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Just landed via Twitch:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Spotted on Telegram:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

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