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Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

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When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

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This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

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I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

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There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

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The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

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The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.