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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,270

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Spotted on Instagram:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Making waves on Threads:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Just landed via Discord:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Just shared via Reddit:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Live now on LinkedIn:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Just shared via X:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.

0
I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.
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Commentary:
Always keep your inner horniness at a simmer, just like a pot of spaghetti—you never know when you're gonna need a full plate 🍝😄🔥

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

46 shares on Threads this month:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

72 shares on Threads this month:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They should name a personality disorder after me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,444

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Breaking via Twitch:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Making waves on Reddit:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Trending via Threads:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Freshly posted on X:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Spotted on WeChat:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Spotted on Reddit:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Spotted on Instagram:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

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