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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,241

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Just shared via Messenger:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Trending via Threads:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

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I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.
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Commentary:
Who knew aging turns you into a 24/7 malfunctioning robot? 🤖😴

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Instagram this month:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

49 shares on Facebook this month:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

44 shares on Discord this month:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love unplanned fun.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Spotted on Threads:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Just landed via YouTube:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Going bananas on Discord:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Trending via Threads:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Breaking via Messenger:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Going viral on TikTok:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

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