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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,545

Funny Quotes Topics

16,780

Funny Quotes Images

14,545

Nov 27, 2025

3,990

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Spotted on TikTok:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

Trending via Reddit:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Just shared via Facebook:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Trending via Discord:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

3 weeks ago

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of feeling wide awake right before bedtime but hitting a post-lunch slump faster than a speeding bullet at work! 😂💤 It's like our bodies have their own secret agenda to keep us on our toes (or should I say, on our pillows?) all day long! 💼🛌 #WorkHardNapHarder"

am, bed, fatigue, humor, i, irony, lunch, night, rest, tired, wish, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,545

Funny Quotes Topics

16,780

Funny Quotes Images

14,545

Nov 27, 2025

3,887

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Just shared via YouTube:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Freshly posted on Slack:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Breaking via Facebook:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Trending via Instagram:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Spotted on YouTube:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

Trending via Facebook:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

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