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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,477

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Just shared via WeChat:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Trending via Snapchat:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Freshly posted on Discord:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Freshly posted on X:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Just landed via TikTok:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Going viral on YouTube:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Spotted on Slack:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Just landed via Reddit:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

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I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like winter is coming in full force! 🌨️❄️ Who needs the Night's Watch when you have the municipal snow plow guarding your driveway like the Wall from Game of Thrones? Just make sure you don't encounter any White Walkers on your way to work! ⚔️ #WinterIsHere

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

99 shares on Discord this month:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

24 shares on Threads this month:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,568

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Trending via Twitch:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Going bananas on Facebook:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Seen just now on Facebook:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

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