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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Making waves on Threads:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Making waves on Slack:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Going bananas on Reddit:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Live now on Snapchat:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Just landed via Facebook:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Guess I'm off to the Land of "Leave Me Alone-ia"—catch you later, Earthlings! 🚀🌌😴

anyone, different, different realm, escape, fantasy, humor, introvert, joke, me, needs, realm, social, social withdrawal, withdrawal

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

0

2 months ago

after, days, five, humor, Monday, relatable, weekend, work, worst
I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, basement, eat, eating, excited, food, humor, i, irony, love, survival
Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

0

2 months ago

animals, coincidence, companionship, everyone, humor, love, pets, talk
Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

0

2 months ago

cyborg, fight, fighting, future, give, humor, iPad, just, kids, parenting, screen, screen time, technology, time
When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

0

5 months ago

documentary, door, doors, going, humor, lock, locked, locked door, mystery, night, oh, old, old person, person, small, small town, start, storytelling, town
I have the bruises of a much more active person.

0

2 months ago

active, bruises, fitness, humor, i, irony, much, person

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

29 shares on YouTube this month:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Trending via WeChat:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Just landed via Messenger:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Spotted on YouTube:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Making waves on Twitch:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Spotted on Telegram:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Spotted on Slack:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Live now on Slack:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨