If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

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Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

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Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

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Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

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The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

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When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

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It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

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My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

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“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

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When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

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I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.