Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Spotted on WeChat:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Going viral on WeChat:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Seen just now on TikTok:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Trending via Telegram:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure, just describe me as 'Last seen at the fridge' instead 🍔🍟😄 #MissingNotLost"

ever, humor, i, joke, me, missing, poster, promise, put, self-image, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

40 shares on Threads this month:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Spotted on TikTok:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Seen just now on Reddit:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Just shared via WeChat:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Going viral on Telegram:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Breaking via YouTube:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨