Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,055

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Trending via WeChat:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure, just describe me as 'Last seen at the fridge' instead 🍔🍟😄 #MissingNotLost"

ever, humor, i, joke, me, missing, poster, promise, put, self-image, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, distraction, feeling, geopolitics, global, humor, information, internet, little, media, much, phone, relief, remember, scroll, scrolling, smartphone, spend, state, stress, stress relief, time
In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

0

1 month ago

awkward, awkward moment, bodily, bodily function, call, elevator, everyone, function, humor, i, mating, moment, noise, silence, silent, stomach, whale
The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

0

2 months ago

creativity, culture, Eminem, fan, fans, humor, i, joke, language, music, obsession, parody, pop, pop culture, saying, song, word, wordplay
Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

0

2 months ago

apology, band, concert, humor, just, late, me, past, show, sorry, time, yawn
Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

0

2 months ago

app, communication, humor, message, technology, text, text message, voice, voice message
Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

0

2 months ago

celebration, Christmas, family, gift, holiday, humor, shit, stress, tradition

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

24 shares on X this month:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

68 shares on X this month:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

41 shares on X this month:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

47 shares on Discord this month:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

70 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Just landed via Facebook:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Just shared via YouTube:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Trending via Instagram:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Just shared via Messenger:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Just landed via Discord:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨