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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Going viral on Messenger:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Just shared via Telegram:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Trending via Facebook:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Just landed via Telegram:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Spreading quickly via X:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Watch out, fellas! If women had venom glands, some of us might not survive a girl's night out! 🐍💄

gland, God, humor, hypothetical, i, imagination, venom, venom gland, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can I come over and figure you out?

0

2 months ago

communication, curiosity, figure, flirt, humor, i, invitation, over, relationship
“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

0

2 months ago

billiards, favorite, favorite hole, favourite, game, hole, humor, i, me, playful, playful remark, pool, pool table, remark, sport, table
Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

0

2 months ago

baby, bad, bad mood, field, humor, innovation, mood, reason
For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

0

5 months ago

advice, always, communication, decision, decision making, humor, making, mixed, mixed signal, own, sanity, signal, signals, take
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, everything, humor, irony, knowledge, people, sarcasm, self-awareness, wisdom
When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

0

3 days ago

amore, brain, gun, humor, pun, suicide, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

36 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Trending via Pinterest:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Making waves on TikTok:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Just shared via Threads:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Just landed via X:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Live now on YouTube:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Freshly posted on X:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Can I come over and figure you out?

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨