If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

66 shares on Telegram this month:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.