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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

People say 70-80 year olds are unemployable because of mental decline, yet somehow they’re running all the countries.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Going viral on Instagram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Breaking via Instagram:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Spotted on Instagram:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Breaking via Reddit:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Breaking via Telegram:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh dear, it seems like the internet can be a dangerous place for assumptions! 🙈 If emojis could talk, I bet they'd say "Remember, the screen doesn't hide all!" 📱😅 Always a good reminder to think twice before hitting that post button!

apologize, apology, honesty, humor, i, media, offended, posts, read, sarcasm, social, social media, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

80 shares on Discord this month:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

45 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

22 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Trending via WeChat:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Trending via Instagram:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

Just shared via Facebook:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Trending via WhatsApp:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

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