Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,521

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Trending via Pinterest:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Going viral on Reddit:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like self-checkouts missed the memo on giving us a discount! 🤔💸🛒

automation, cashier, cashiers, consumer, consumer price, debate, economy, living, living wage, paying, price, prices, retail, self-checkout, wage, wage debate, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, fun, hurts, relationship, sexy, time
I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

0

2 months ago

accountability, am, better, do better, humor, i, influence, influencer, media, responsibility, self-improvement, social, social media
How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

0

2 months ago

1, author, bestseller, book, every, humor, new, New York Times, publishing, times, writing, york
It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

0

4 months ago

adulthood, being, humor, irony, just, lesson, life, life lesson, new, responsibility, responsible, reward, sucks
I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

0

2 months ago

attitude, ego, height, humor, i, me, only, people, perspective, sarcasm, self-deprecating, taller
Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

0

2 months ago

am, boredom, creativity, crush, danger, dangerous, funny thought, having, humor, i, imagination, invent, loneliness, something, think, thought

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on X this month:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

47 shares on Threads this month:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Spotted on Reddit:

Netflix & by yourself.

Trending via Instagram:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Just landed via Telegram:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Going bananas on Discord:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Breaking via Reddit:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Just shared via Telegram:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Seen just now on Threads:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨