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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Going bananas on X:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Seen just now on Slack:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Seen just now on X:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Just shared via Telegram:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

0
If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
“Clearly, all you need is a power-up mushroom! 🍄🦘”

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating healthy requires a second job.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,523

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Just landed via Facebook:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Breaking via Telegram:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Just shared via Threads:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Just landed via Messenger:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Just landed via Reddit:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

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