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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Shared recently on Telegram:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Just landed via Snapchat:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Making waves on Snapchat:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Going viral on WeChat:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Spotted on Slack:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

1 month ago

Clever and humorous quote about not caring if you're offended, playful and witty vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone misplaced their sense of humor… again! 😄🔍🚫

attitude, communication, finding, humor, i, me, offensive, quit, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

76 shares on Slack this month:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

84 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Going viral on Twitch:

They’re making me do work at work.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Spotted on Messenger:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Going viral on Telegram:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

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Activity Log ✨

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨