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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Spotted on TikTok:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

Going bananas on Threads:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Going viral on Discord:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Spotted on Reddit:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Breaking via Threads:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Just shared via Threads:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Going bananas on X:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Funny quote about self-employment and meetings with a witty twist.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Caution: Brilliant minds at work! 🧠💼 Ignore the solo dialogue and corporate jargon – just a one-person board meeting in progress! 🤣 #SelfEmployedCEO"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Discord this month:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I put the mess in domestic.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

57 shares on X this month:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m tired of things costing money.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Going viral on TikTok:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Spotted on X:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Just landed via Reddit:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Just shared via YouTube:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Live now on Pinterest:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

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