Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

The shitshow must go on.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Spotted on Instagram:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Just shared via Slack:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Spotted on Reddit:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Trending via Reddit:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Seen just now on Messenger:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Live now on Pinterest:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Just shared via Messenger:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Risky business over there! You might just get double the high! 😄🚬🪨

Arabia, drug, drug law, getting, humor, joke, law, pot, risk, saudi, Saudi Arabia, smoke, stoned, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

0

2 months ago

adventure, back, coming, enjoyment, going, going out, home, point, relaxation, returning, savor, sometimes, whole
Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

0

2 months ago

fitted, fitted sheet, ghost, ghosts, humor, joke, linens, never, notice, observation, sheet, wear
I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

0

2 months ago

carefully, humor, items, line, never, people, scan, self-checkout, shopping, stealing, understand
You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

0

2 months ago

corner, hip-height, humor, hurt, injury, me, sarcasm, table, wit
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, cleaning, cockroach, domestic, domestic life, everything, humor, husband, kitchen, life, prank, relationship, thought, today, yesterday
When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

0

2 months ago

blocked, blocking, digital, digital life, good, humor, i, life, list, media, mood, prisoners, release, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Discord this month:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

65 shares on Instagram this month:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Just shared via TikTok:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨