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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,471

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Breaking via Instagram:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Seen just now on Slack:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Seen just now on X:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Spotted on Twitch:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Procrastination level: Expert! ⏰😎 Why rush when you can embrace the thrill of last-minute genius? 🚀😂

humor, last, last minute, management, minute, motivation, only, procrastination, something, time, time management, urgency, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

0

5 months ago

brain, break, distraction, humor, just, mental, mental break, off switch, procrastination, switch
“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

0

2 months ago

attempt, decision making, going, humor, mindset, problem, self-reflection, situation, thinking, try, underthinking, works
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

0

2 months ago

bed, dangerously, edge, foot, humor, i, life, live, living, living life, night, over, risk, sticking
Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

0

2 months ago

algorithm, existential, fix, humor, life, problem, request, someone, technology
Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

0

2 months ago

anything, ever, frustration, hot, humor, i, irony, lawsuits, me, misunderstanding, rage, revelation, show, Suits, television, wear, white
Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

0

2 months ago

craving, diet, food, food craving, grocery, grocery store, home, humor, i, irony, junk, junk food, mad, store, temptation, yesterday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

49 shares on X this month:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

55 shares on X this month:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Live now on WhatsApp:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Going viral on Threads:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Trending via Facebook:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Just shared via Twitch:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Going viral on X:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨