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Commentary:
"Hey, if you're gonna critique my driving, do it from a safe distance – like the sidewalk! 🚗💨 Just saying, it's hard to focus on road rage when you're riding my car like a hood ornament! 😂 #DrivingDrama"

calm, calm down, complain, driving, hood, humor, least, road, safety, sarcasm, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

1 month ago
drawer, frustration, household, household item, humor, impossible, item, items, open, purpose
If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

1 month ago
exercise, FitBit, fitness, going, humor, lifestyle, perspective, sh, walk, walking, wear
Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

1 month ago
dating, easy, humor, i, joke, me, relationship, reply, super, text, texting, timing
What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

1 month ago
funny question, humor, kind, life, life of the party, party, psychopath, question, wants
Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

3 weeks ago
advice, confession, honesty, humor, life, mom, relationship, short, tell, too
The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

1 month ago
am, attraction, crush, eyes, flirting, humor, humor quote, i, joke, officer, playful, police, reason, romance, witty

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Just shared via Facebook:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Just shared via Instagram:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Going viral on Instagram:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

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Activity Log ✨

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

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If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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