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Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,931

Funny Quotes Topics

14,746

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11,931

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

Spotted on Facebook:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Trending via Slack:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Just shared via Instagram:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Spotted on Messenger:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

15 hours ago

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Commentary:
Sure, let me help you straight into a comedy show! 😂🤦‍♂️

assistance, even, failure, frustration, help, humor, just, let, me, position, problem, sarcasm, worse, worse position

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Making waves on TikTok:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Trending via Pinterest:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Just landed via TikTok:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Seen just now on Slack:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Going viral on Facebook:

I would prefer not to.

Reported on Pinterest:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Just landed via Facebook:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

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If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

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