Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Trending via Threads:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Just shared via Threads:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Just landed via Discord:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Just shared via YouTube:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my future job title is "Sleep-Deprived Snack Provider" 🍕😴👶

day, day off, days, humor, imagine, just, parent, parenting, responsibility, straight, thinking, work, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

0

7 days ago

betrayal, getting, gray, humor, keys, marriage, pants, personal, powerful, prediction, psychic, relationship, tell, things, wife
“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

0

2 months ago

crazy, emotional, emotional struggle, everyone, health, honesty, humor, i, lost, mental, mental health, myself, self-awareness, self-deprecation, struggle, well
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

0

2 months ago

after, before, comedy, honesty, humor, i, impulsiveness, late, late night, life, night, personality, reflection, regret, rest, said, say, self-awareness, speech, think
Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

0

2 months ago

activity, escape, escape room, fun, fun activity, humor, IKEA, know, love, people, puzzle, room, rooms
Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

0

7 days ago

enemy, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, store
Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

0

2 months ago

back, care, dental, dental care, forgetfulness, halfway, hate, humor, i, teeth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on WeChat this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

24 shares on Facebook this month:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Going viral on Slack:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Freshly posted on X:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Going viral on Reddit:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Just landed via TikTok:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Making waves on Telegram:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨