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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Going viral on WeChat:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Trending via Messenger:

You are the Monday of my life.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Trending via Facebook:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Making waves on YouTube:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Therapy might fix your issues, but rest assured, your epic dad jokes are a permanent condition! 😅🛋️😂"

afraid, comedy, fear, fix, Funny, health, humor, i, lose, me, mental, mental health, personality, self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How is it still this week?

0

2 months ago

confusion, days, funny observation, humor, observation, still, time, week
I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

0

2 months ago

comedy, expert, humor, i, joke, politics, sarcasm, satire, think, UK, unity
A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

0

2 months ago

amusing, animals, bird, birds, communication, couple, fight, fighting, humor, i, nature, outside, playful, therapist, therapy, think, third, wait
My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

0

2 months ago

anonymity, band, costume, favorite, humor, joke, mask, member, music, Slipknot
If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

0

2 months ago

back, Christmas, cold, humor, put, season, time, tree, weather
Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

0

3 months ago

bed, bedrotting, comfort, just, leisure, lying, lying down, nice, phone, relaxation, using

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

49 shares on Discord this month:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Going viral on Telegram:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Aura is the real business card.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Trending via Instagram:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

How is it still this week?

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨