Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Just landed via Facebook:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Making waves on Telegram:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Seen just now on Discord:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

Spotted on Facebook:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Therapy might fix your issues, but rest assured, your epic dad jokes are a permanent condition! 😅🛋️😂"

afraid, comedy, fear, fix, Funny, health, humor, i, lose, me, mental, mental health, personality, self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

0

2 months ago

actually, conspiracy, faked, humor, i, landing, Mars, moon, moon landing, proof, prove, space
Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

0

2 months ago

animal, barn, biannual, cleaning, dental, humor, hygiene, just, teeth
This meeting could have been an AI summary.

0

2 months ago

AI, humor, meeting, productivity, summary, time-wasting
Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

0

2 months ago

bar, Binks, drinks, franchise, humor, opening, pub, pun, star, Star Wars, wars
What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

0

2 months ago

activity, being, heat, heat wave, humor, indoor, indoor activity, inside, kid, kids, parenting, stuck, wave, well, wine
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

0

2 months ago

arguing, argument, being, being right, communication, explaining, explanation, humor, just, loud, louder, right, sarcasm, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

92 shares on Discord this month:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

66 shares on Slack this month:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Just shared via Messenger:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Spotted on X:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Spotted on Instagram:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Making waves on Discord:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Live now on X:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨