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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Live now on YouTube:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Making waves on X:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Going viral on Messenger:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time to admit, that my bank account is now officially my secret Santa 🎅💸🎁

buying, Christmas, holiday, humor, i, myself, present, presents, procrastination, self-gift, shopping, stage, start, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

0

2 months ago

attractive, beauty, confidence, humor, looks, perception, person, Photoshop, self-image, times
To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

0

3 months ago

again, apology, better, everyone, humor, i, improvement, next, offended, offense, sarcasm, year
I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

0

2 months ago

baby, belly, bigger, diagnosis, expectation, humor, i, imaginary, inside, joke, pregnancy, read, surprise
My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

0

2 months ago

adult, childhood, head, humor, i, irony, lessons, life, life lessons, lose, lose head, me, need, own, parents, responsibility, self-awareness, tools, want
I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

0

2 months ago

before, coming, day, everyday, exhaustion, humor, i, just, need, prepare, recover, rest, routine, time
That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, discomfort, eating, food, food humor, funny moment, humor, interaction, moment, social, social interaction, someone, watching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

91 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

97 shares on Discord this month:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Seen just now on Slack:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Just landed via TikTok:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Making waves on Instagram:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Shared recently on Messenger:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Making waves on Messenger:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Making waves on TikTok:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨