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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Making waves on Discord:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Shared recently on Slack:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Going viral on WeChat:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Trending via Threads:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Going viral on Telegram:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the perilous world of pillow selection – where one wrong choice can turn a peaceful night's sleep into a chiropractic emergency! 💥😂 Who knew we'd reach an age when a fluffed cushion could be our ultimate foe? Watch out for those treacherously fluffy temptations, my friends! 😆🛌"

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Live now on Twitch:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Trending via Reddit:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Just shared via WeChat:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Making waves on X:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Just shared via X:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Going viral on Slack:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Trending via Pinterest:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

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