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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,729

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Live now on Snapchat:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Spreading quickly via X:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Just landed via TikTok:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Trending via Slack:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the perilous world of pillow selection – where one wrong choice can turn a peaceful night's sleep into a chiropractic emergency! 💥😂 Who knew we'd reach an age when a fluffed cushion could be our ultimate foe? Watch out for those treacherously fluffy temptations, my friends! 😆🛌"

age, broke, discomfort, feel, getting, getting older, humor, neck, older, pillow, sleep, where, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Threads this month:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

48 shares on X this month:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Freshly posted on X:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Just shared via YouTube:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Spotted on Instagram:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Shared recently on Threads:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Making waves on Reddit:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Live now on YouTube:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

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