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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Seen just now on X:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Live now on Pinterest:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Trending via X:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Making waves on Reddit:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

1 week ago

Playful quote about aging and pillow discomfort, highlighting humorous sleep-related struggles.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the perilous world of pillow selection – where one wrong choice can turn a peaceful night's sleep into a chiropractic emergency! 💥😂 Who knew we'd reach an age when a fluffed cushion could be our ultimate foe? Watch out for those treacherously fluffy temptations, my friends! 😆🛌"

age, broke, discomfort, feel, getting, getting older, humor, neck, older, pillow, sleep, where, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

29 shares on Discord this month:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

What are cats even trying to do?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,577

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Just shared via Threads:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Making waves on Instagram:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

Breaking via Reddit:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

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