Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Going viral on Telegram:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Trending via Snapchat:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Going viral on YouTube:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Spotted on WeChat:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Trending via Slack:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Just shared via Instagram:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Spotted on Facebook:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my master plan to avoid jogging just leaked! 🤦‍♂️🏃‍♂️💨

awkwardness, exercise, fitness, hand, hand awkwardness, hands, humor, i, indecision, jogging, never, running, sure

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

0

1 week ago

eyes, gift, gifts, humor, morning, surprise
We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

0

1 week ago

31st, Christmas, countdown, date, December, end, end of year, holiday, humor, new, new year, period, time, time period, void, year
Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

0

1 week ago

car, Christmas, Christmas Eve, eve, family, holiday, honey, humor, procrastination, store
“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

0

2 months ago

attitude, close, crazy, entitlement, even, health, humor, legal, legally, mental, mental health, personality
364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

0

1 week ago

Christmas, countdown, days, decoration, decorations, holiday, humor, impatience, people
A real smartphone would cut you off.

0

3 months ago

communication, cut, humor, real, sarcasm, smartphone, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Instagram this month:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Just landed via Facebook:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Breaking via X:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Trending via Messenger:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Live now on Instagram:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨