Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,342

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Trending via Threads:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Seen just now on X:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Just shared via TikTok:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Seen just now on TikTok:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about avoiding jogging due to uncertain hand gestures, playful and witty vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my master plan to avoid jogging just leaked! 🤦‍♂️🏃‍♂️💨

awkwardness, exercise, fitness, hand, hand awkwardness, hands, humor, i, indecision, jogging, never, running, sure

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

49 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

35 shares on X this month:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Just shared via Reddit:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Live now on YouTube:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Just shared via X:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Trending via Slack:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Spotted on Twitch:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I have a yearning disability.

Breaking via Telegram:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Keep the laugh going 😂

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨