Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,683

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Live now on WeChat:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Spotted on Reddit:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Live now on Telegram:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Just landed via WeChat:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Trending via Pinterest:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Spotted on Slack:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Feeling like a part of the exhausted pigeon club, where the mascots are coffee cups and mismatched socks! 🐦☕🧦

bird, early, early bird, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, night, night owl, owl, pigeon, sort, tired

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

0

2 months ago

blocking, cancellation, cancelled, enough, entertainment, favorite, humor, i, media, need, people, revenge, show, social, social media, TV, TV Show
Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

0

2 months ago

crash, fail, feel, half, hope, humor, i, incompetence, job, live, next, once, perspective, planet, remember, software, software update, someone, tech, tech fail, time, update, workplace
Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

0

2 months ago

awesome, brain, brains, humor, i, intelligence, sarcasm, self-deprecation, wish, wit
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

0

2 months ago

drink, good, humor, irony, lying, lying down, man, moon, problem, put, relaxation, space, wine
You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

0

2 months ago

dating, female, female friend, friend, friends, friendship, humor, know, life, love, love life, open, sarcasm, stupidity
Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

0

2 months ago

again, blink, calendar, every, frustration, humor, i, live, loop, Monday, monotony, repetition, routine, time, time loop, weekly, weekly routine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

66 shares on Threads this month:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

50 shares on Slack this month:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Making waves on Facebook:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Seen just now on Discord:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨