Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Live now on TikTok:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Spotted on Discord:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When dinner and bedtime start exchanging "Save the Date" cards 🤣🥱🍽️🛌

age, aging, bedtime, close, dangerously, dinner, dinner time, getting, humor, just, old, routine, saying, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

0

2 months ago

big, big word, communication, effort, humor, i, irony, language, photosynthesis, understanding, word, words
When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

0

6 days ago

cat, cats, certain, change, dog, dogs, flower, flowers, humor, media, notice, picture, pictures, profile, profile picture, social, social media, stereotype, weight, woman, women
I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

0

2 months ago

eyes, fitness, great, great shape, humor, i, joke, keep, rolling, self-care, shape
My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

0

2 months ago

chainsaw, favorite, humor, massacre, quirky, stereotype, Texa, things, toast
Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

0

2 months ago

filter, good, honesty, house, humor, i, look good, me, photo, photos, side, ugly, ugly side, want, yes
A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

0

2 months ago

accurate, dark, dark web, description, humor, internet, joke, satire, technology, web

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Threads this month:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

32 shares on X this month:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

42 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My middle finger salutes you.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Trending via WeChat:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Just shared via Twitch:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Just shared via Reddit:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Just shared via Reddit:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Going viral on Twitch:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨