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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,303

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Trending via Threads:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Spotted on Threads:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

Going bananas on Messenger:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Just shared via Threads:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Live now on WeChat:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Live now on Instagram:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, at least they were honest about lying… I guess? 🤷‍♂️ Can't fault their ambition, right? 💸😂 #Mastermind"

apology, cause, gain, harm, honesty, humor, i, lie, manipulation, material, material gain, only, prove, psychological, psychological harm, sarcasm, smarter, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

0

1 month ago

blunt, bullshit, calling, calling out, honesty, humor, sarcasm
The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

0

2 months ago

always, answer, excuse, exhaustion, humor, i, sleep, tiredness
What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

0

2 weeks ago

90s, 90s movie, Christmas, Christmas party, corporate, corporate party, culture, exist, holiday, holiday party, huge, movie, nostalgia, office, office culture, party, seems
He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

0

2 months ago

cockroach, compliment, everything, humor, i, key, low, low key, me, resilience, sarcasm, second, self-reflection, thought
The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

0

2 months ago

away, behavior, coming, early, early invention, fear, history, human, human behavior, innovation, invention, people, progress, ran, reaction, saw, surprise, time, train, transportation
I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

0

2 months ago

expression, face, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, know, people, shut, silence, subtitles, talking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Threads this month:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Coffee is just goth water.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

67 shares on X this month:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Making waves on Messenger:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨