Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Trending via Discord:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Going viral on TikTok:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Making waves on Telegram:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Plot twist: my worst enemy is actually my own reflection. 🤷‍♂️🤣 #SelfHateGameStrong"

hate, here, humor, imagine, irony, just, me, myself, over, perspective, relationships, self-deprecation, self-hate

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

0

2 months ago

expectation, frustration, humor, last, limit, patience, perspective, straw, surprise, thought
Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

0

2 months ago

battery, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, reason, remember, Santa, unknown, unknown reason
Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

0

2 months ago

activity, boyfriend, everyone, eye, eyes, funny activity, googly, googly eye, humor, introduction, new, potato, prank, sticking
Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

0

2 months ago

air, air fryer, banging, comparison, cooking, everyone, fryer, gadgets, humor, opinions, stop, talk
“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, Amazon Prime, American, culture, entertainment, humor, ignore, media, name, original, parody, pop, pop culture, Pope, prime, satire, series, sery, sounds, wordplay
Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

0

2 months ago

humor, massage, masseuse, relaxation, struggle, tension, win

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

18 shares on Facebook this month:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

60 shares on Slack this month:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Just landed via Threads:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Just landed via Telegram:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Making waves on X:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Live now on LinkedIn:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Shared recently on Slack:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Just landed via Instagram:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Trending via TikTok:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨