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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,590

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Just shared via Messenger:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

Making waves on Twitch:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Going viral on TikTok:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Making waves on Slack:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Going viral on Slack:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

2 months ago

0

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can you picture Pinocchio laying down some sassy burns without his nose growing? That's one heck of a roast battle! 🤥🔥 Just imagine the wooden boy dropping truth bombs with a straight face. 😂 Better watch out, his words might be as sharp as his nose is long!

absurdity, comedy, humor, imagination, imagine, joke, move, nose, Pinocchio, puppet, roasting, satire, straight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

0

2 months ago

clothing, comparison, cut, experience, funny comparison, half, humor, i, jeans, magician, never, same, Thanksgiving, thing
My recliner and I go way back.

0

2 months ago

back, comfort, furniture, home, humor, i, nostalgia, recliner, relationship, relaxation
Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

0

2 months ago

beards, cleaning, humor, men, relationship, sexy, shaving, sick, washbasin, women
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

0

2 months ago

20, actor, comedy, fitness, gain, hate, i, irony, pounds, realize, role
It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

0

2 months ago

distraction, life, media, need, overwhelm, perspective, social, social media, tweet
Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

0

2 months ago

bathroom, cleanliness, crime, crime scene, humor, joke, scene, toilet, toilets, traces

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

54 shares on Slack this month:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,281

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Just landed via Discord:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Going bananas on Discord:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Live now on Snapchat:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Spotted on Reddit:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Spreading quickly via X:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

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