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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,335

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Making waves on Slack:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Going viral on Reddit:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Going viral on X:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Just landed via Telegram:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Live now on Reddit:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Just landed via YouTube:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

2 months ago

0

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the age-old feline wisdom: Sometimes you've just got to headbutt your problems away! 😹🐾 Just imagine the satisfaction of channeling your inner cat and solving all your dilemmas with a well-timed headbutt. Who needs therapy when you've got a solid noggin to rely on? 😸💥 #CatTherapy #HeadbuttToSuccess

activity, behavior, cat, feeling, fun, fun activity, good, good feeling, head, playful, playful behavior, ram

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

0

2 months ago

anger, chore, chores, doing, family, humor, invent, just, mad, mother, too
People who scream sneeze need their own island.

0

2 months ago

humor, island, isolation, need, own, people, scream, sneeze, unique
Being awake is the worst.

0

2 months ago

awake, being, humor, sarcasm, sleep, tiredness, worst
As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

0

6 months ago

complaint, digital, digital life, frustration, humor, life, simulation, sucks
Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

0

2 months ago

dating, drink, driver, driving, flirt, girl, humor, humor quote, joke, me, ride, sarcasm, Uber
Onion rings? I’m answering.

0

4 months ago

answer, answering, food, humor, joke, onion, onion ring, ring, rings

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Telegram this month:

This Monday could have been an email.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

37 shares on Discord this month:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

96 shares on Threads this month:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,285

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Making waves on Facebook:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Spotted on Instagram:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Trending via LinkedIn:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Seen just now on X:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Making waves on Twitch:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Making waves on Reddit:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Just shared via Reddit:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Going viral on Facebook:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

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