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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Freshly posted on Slack:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Trending via Instagram:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Just landed via YouTube:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Just shared via YouTube:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Just landed via Discord:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a solid life hack! Now, if only I could get my cat to look at me the same way… 😸❤️

beautiful, beauty, disappear, humor, love, once, problem, problems, relationship, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

0

2 months ago

bra, embarrassment, got, high, humor, humor story, i, intoxication, misunderstanding, shot, situation, social, social situation, story, thought, time
Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

0

4 months ago

day, daydream, dreaming, escape, God, gratitude, headphone, headphones, humor, relaxation, thank
Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

0

2 months ago

even, finished, humor, humor quote, i, leisure, Monday, procrastination, relatable, Saturday, weekday, weekend
“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

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3 months ago

boulder, comparison, frustration, humor, media, myth, persistence, Sisyphus, social, social media, Twitter, using
Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

0

2 months ago

another, avocado, ball, different, disappointment, frustration, gift, humor, kill, makers, put, sarcasm, surprise, toy, wooden, wooden ball
Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

0

2 months ago

challenge, chaos, humor, parenting, pudding, raising, teenager, wall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Facebook this month:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Spotted on YouTube:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Going viral on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Trending via YouTube:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Just shared via Twitch:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Shared recently on Telegram:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Spotted on TikTok:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨