Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Just shared via Telegram:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Live now on Twitch:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Just shared via Threads:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Just landed via Twitch:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Haha, same! I’d need an avant-garde disaster cover story just to survive the wardrobe check! 😅🎨✨

appearance, bad, carpet, celebrity, event, fashion, gala, humor, ID, insecure, me, met, Met Gala, outfit, red, red carpet, self-deprecating, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

0

2 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward moment, coffee, date, humor, i, later, minutes, moment, number, phone, phone number, relationship, texting, waiter
If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

0

5 months ago

beyond, humor, influence, influencer, influencers, insult, media, opinion, satire, social, social media
I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

0

2 months ago

bed, day, dream, humor, i, irony, laying, lazy, me, rich, wish
Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

0

2 months ago

again, chore, done, dryer, forget, forgetfulness, household, household chore, humor, i, just, laundry, pop, procrastination, waiting
Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

0

11 hours ago

bed, birthday, forgetfulness, forgetting, hack, humor, life, life hack, marriage, ordinary, prank, relationship, simply, sofa, sofa bed, turn, wife
Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

0

2 months ago

accusation, AI, claim, era, false, false claim, getting, humor, misunderstanding, modern, modern era, suspicion, technology, trial, using, version, witch, witch trial

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Facebook this month:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

69 shares on X this month:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

84 shares on Slack this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

53 shares on Discord this month:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Just landed via YouTube:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Trending via Facebook:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Going viral on Discord:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Just landed via WeChat:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Spotted on Twitch:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Trending via Discord:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Going viral on Instagram:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨