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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Trending via Messenger:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Spotted on X:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Breaking via Facebook:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Just shared via Twitch:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Trending via Twitch:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Trending via Discord:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

I’ve been a main character since birth.

14 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about confidence and self-importance, humorous and bold in tone.

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Sounds like the camera crew has been following you around for a while! 🎬😂🌟

birth, character, confidence, humor, identity, main, main character, personality, self, self-confidence

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15 shares on X this month:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

18 shares on Threads this month:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

37 shares on X this month:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

88 shares on Reddit this month:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

31 shares on Slack this month:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

49 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

70 shares on X this month:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Spotted on Slack:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Just landed via YouTube:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Just shared via Instagram:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Breaking via Instagram:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Making waves on Twitch:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Going bananas on Facebook:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve been a main character since birth.

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve been a main character since birth.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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