I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

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I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

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As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

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When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

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Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

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My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

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Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

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Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

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Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

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Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.