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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Dear nurses, you donโ€™t have to announce my weight, just write it down. Thatโ€™s why I have my eyes closed when Iโ€™m on the scale.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Iโ€™ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ถ has bookmarked:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

I donโ€™t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now Iโ€™m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

World domination? I donโ€™t even want to be responsible for myself.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Spotted on Telegram:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Live now on YouTube:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Going viral on TikTok:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like โ€œHow to teach your kid to not biteโ€.

Trending via Slack:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but Iโ€™m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Spotted on Messenger:

Does everyoneโ€™s inner monologue have a laugh track?

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Talk about taking 'rest in peace' to a whole new level! ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ’€ Sounds like this person wasn't just checking the obituaries, they were checking them off their hit list! ๐ŸŽฏ๐Ÿ˜‚ #Savage"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ“ˆ

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต has copied:

Of all the things to lose, why couldnโ€™t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

I commented to a friend that I didnโ€™t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Breaking via Slack:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I donโ€™t go camping.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I canโ€™t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Trending via Threads:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didnโ€™t mean accountable.

Reported on TikTok:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Trending via Reddit:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

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