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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

โ€œYou should exercise for at least 30 minutes every dayโ€. Okay, and how much if youโ€™re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesnโ€™t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone thatโ€™s in a bad mood.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

Iโ€™m not โ€œdating to marryโ€ or โ€œdating for fun.โ€ Iโ€™m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ป has viewed:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Trending via Messenger:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Just landed via Twitch:

Weโ€™ve had far more storms since we started naming them. Weโ€™re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Making waves on Slack:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Going bananas on Threads:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Live now on Pinterest:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Going viral on Messenger:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Just had a salad but it didnโ€™t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Who knew salad could be so serious? ๐Ÿฅ—๐Ÿ˜† Maybe it needs some stand-up dressing! Just lettuce know when you want a good chuckle with your greens! ๐Ÿฅฌ๐Ÿ˜‚"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

30 shares on WeChat this month:

How is it still this week?

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

77 shares on Threads this month:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

39 shares on X this month:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

20 shares on Slack this month:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time Iโ€™m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

82 shares on X this month:

Am simultaneously the familyโ€™s black sheep and gold star, and thatโ€™s exactly why Iโ€™m the way I am.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Turns out that ending meetings with โ€œhave the day you deserveโ€ has made me some enemies at work.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while Iโ€™m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I know itโ€™s true because the people on the internet said so.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Everyone has that one friend theyโ€™ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but itโ€™s too late to ask.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Earth is hard.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that youโ€™re doing well. Itโ€™s important you resist performing for an audience that isnโ€™t watching.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has downloaded:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has copied:

Iโ€™m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has shared:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Pinterest:

I made soup while whispering โ€œHe was never mine,โ€ like itโ€™s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Donโ€™t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Live now on Threads:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Breaking via Threads:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Trending via WhatsApp:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

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