Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the glamorous life of a barn animal – biannual teeth cleaning and all! 🦷🐄 Who knew farm life could be so chic? 😄 #BarnyardGlam #SparklingSmile"

animal, barn, biannual, cleaning, dental, humor, hygiene, just, teeth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

0

1 week ago

Christmas, Christmas present, gift, gift opening, humor, milk, opening, present, remember, said, while, wife
Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

0

2 months ago

ask, asking, conversation, humor, joke, menu, pharmacy, secret, secret menu
I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

0

2 months ago

assume, everyone, finds, fun, humor, i, insecurity, interaction, issues, lying, me, otherwise, sarcasm, self-doubt, skepticism, social, social interaction, tell, trust, trust issues, unattractive, unattractiveness
Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, clearance, gift, humor, i, late, present, procrastination, scraping, sorry, tag
Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

0

2 months ago

busines, business, drama, entertainment, everyone, humor, irony, media, society, tabloid
When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

0

2 months ago

act, attitude, fast, humor, late, mad, office, rush, walk, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

96 shares on Threads this month:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

98 shares on YouTube this month:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Trending via Instagram:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Just shared via Instagram:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Going bananas on Discord:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨