Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Just landed via Snapchat:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Spotted on Facebook:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Breaking via Twitch:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

1 month ago

Humorous text about feeling old-fashioned after finding a Werther’s in your pocket.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Werther's in the pocket: officially one cardigan away from being a grandparent 🤣👴🏼🍬

age, candy, humor, joke, just, old, old age, original, pocket, snack, werther’s, Werther’s Original

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98 shares on Messenger this month:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

16 shares on X this month:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Trending via WeChat:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Going viral on TikTok:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Just landed via Threads:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Making waves on X:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

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Activity Log ✨

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Will probably never be loved, but I have to send emails, so I can’t really think about that right now.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Keep the laugh going 😂

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Will probably never be loved, but I have to send emails, so I can’t really think about that right now.

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

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