Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Just landed via Instagram:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Spotted on Slack:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Seen just now on X:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Going viral on Messenger:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Going bananas on YouTube:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess it's time to dust off my 'vintage' mixtapes 🎶🤦‍♂️ #FeelingAntique"

80s, day, humor, jewelry, just, laying, piece, rest, sarcasm, saw, vintage

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, am, comedy, defect, extraterrestrial, humor, i, invasion, sci-fi, side, sorry, space
To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

0

4 months ago

budget, frugality, home, humor, just, money, save, saving, saving money, stay, stay-at-home
Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

0

2 months ago

adulting, clean, cleaning, drink, fridge, going, humor, need, procrastination, responsible, thing, wine
Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

0

2 months ago

again, airport, check, dieting, humor, just, lose, loss, luggage, never, pounds, summer, travel, want, weight, weight loss, worry
Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

0

2 months ago

ball, cute, digital, favorite, humor, joke, lighthearted, little, logging, logging in, online, playful, silliness, tech
Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

0

2 months ago

activity, care, lounging, outdoor, outdoor activity, relaxation, self, self-care, star, stars, therapy, under

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

42 shares on Instagram this month:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

19 shares on X this month:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Going viral on Slack:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Broadcasted on Slack:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Broadcasted on X:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Just landed via Twitch:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Spotted on Instagram:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Going viral on Slack:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Spotted on Telegram:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨