Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,279

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Breaking via Instagram:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

Spotted on Slack:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Going viral on Slack:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Breaking via Twitch:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Trending via WeChat:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, life sure knows how to keep things… *entertaining*! 😂🍆🌟

downs, forever, hard, humor, life, metaphor, never, penis, resilience, sexuality, sometimes, ups, ups and downs

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

0

2 months ago

best, cold, dish, food, humor, idiom, just, justice, pun, warm, water, wordplay
Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

0

2 months ago

excuse, forgetfulness, humor, i, late, lateness, shower, sorry, standing, stuff, thinking
In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

0

21 hours ago

cooler, humor, last, last name, legacy, marriage, name, reject, relationship, tradition
The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

0

2 months ago

Batman, crime, day, daytime, give, humor, indifference, shit, superhero, thing
Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

0

2 months ago

ask, communication, dating, economy, girl, humor, joke, relationship, terrible, wrong
If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

0

2 months ago

around, call, day, ever, friendship, humor, i, me, need, night, procrastination, return, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent crushes that like you back.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t have an advent calendar, so I’m just opening cupboard doors and eating what’s in there.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Trending via Messenger:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Trending via Discord:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Making waves on Threads:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Making waves on Discord:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Live now on TikTok:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Going bananas on Facebook:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨