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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

This sex could have been an email.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Through pottery, we domesticated rocks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Just landed via X:

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Making waves on Discord:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Going bananas on Threads:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Shared recently on Facebook:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Trending via WhatsApp:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Making waves on Instagram:

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about ignoring health advice in favor of snacks and relaxation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the human struggle: trying to find a balance between listening to your body and not letting it run the show. 🤷‍♂️ Maybe if we all had snackceptional self-control, we'd be napping less and snacking more. 🛌🍪 #SnacksOnTheBrain"

body, day, eat, humor, lay, lay down, laziness, listen, okay, relaxation, self-care, snack, snacks, wants, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Discord this month:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

18 shares on Instagram this month:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

62 shares on Discord this month:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,296

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Breaking via Discord:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Freshly posted on X:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Trending via TikTok:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Spotted on Discord:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Seen just now on X:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Going bananas on Telegram:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

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