“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

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A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

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Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

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I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

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My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

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Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

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Kid, I have jeans older than you.

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Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

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Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

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Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

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Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.