“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.